Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Why Wait?

This is an email from one of my gentlemen friends. The reason he felt comfortable asking me this question is because we went to church camp together where we had a Purity Session which taught about various topics. One area we covered was about waiting for the one God created for us. He created someone just for YOU with YOU in mind! Isn't that amazing?
Because we both attended this Purity Session, my gentleman friend felt comfortable enough to ask me about this topic. He is currently in Okinawa serving in the marines:

"Ok so I have this very blunt question. You dont have to answer if you dont want to. Are you saving your virginity for your wedding day or are you waiting for someone you love? The only reason I ask is because you are the only virgin I know. Well girl virgin. I know this is completely random but I was wondering because people tell me I am an idiot for waiting. That I wont meet another virgin my age.I know I shouldn't let it bother me too much but I started to wonder what if there really is a girl who would wait for me?"

Here is my response:

"Oh I don't mind. The reason I don't mind is because I am not ashamed. It used to be so that those who aren't virgins were the ones who were ashamed--as it should be, but now it's different. I'm waiting until I get married.

How can you know someone truly loves you for you?

Which takes more love, sex or marriage?

If you have sex with someone, does that automatically mean that the two of you are committed to each other?
Absolutely not.

If you marry, are you committed to each other? Well that's just redundant, of course you are.

In all ways logical, it makes sense to me to wait for my husband. I've even heard "well how can you know if they're good or not?" (My father even strongly suggests I do not wait until my wedding night for this reason. Yes, my father.)

Is that really why you have sex with someone? Because they deliver well or have outstanding technique?

Sex is love put into action, but it is selfless. Now, God says to wait until marriage.

Why? Cuz He tries to squelch all our fun? No, because He wants to protect us and because it makes logical sense, so He tells us not to do it; it's not a good idea. Just like a mother or father would tell their young teen not to have sex yet because they are too young and could get hurt (well, most parents anyway), God tells us to wait until marriage because otherwise we are emotionally too young and will get hurt. To answer your question, "Is there really a girl who would wait for me?" Well I myself have thought that very same but substitute "girl" with "guy." You boys are such horny toads and I often wonder if there are any virgins left. But for both of us the answer is "yes." I know there is someone out there who already loves me enough to resist sexual temptation. In support of him, I do my best to resist as well, hoping he is strong enough to do the same. I often think, "would I want my future husband doing this right now?" if the answer is no, what gives me the right to do it?"

His response:

"I can tell you this: Whoever you choose for your husband (I am sure you have a list) haha jk I hope he treats you as the amazing girl you are."

Other comments I have received:

What a well worded response, Nadia. It reminded me of a statement that Miles McPherson (former Charger player, now Pastor of The Rock in San Diego) once made:Lust is gratification of self at the expense of others.Love is wanting what is best for others at the expense of self.May I repost this blog on my Daughter's of the King myspace site?

GR8 post, Nadia. As a (married) man, I can tell you that any man can come up with a combination of 'the right things to say' to induce a girl into having sex. However, having love for the girl means waiting; and waiting PROVES that you love her, and will indeed love her even when she's old and doesn't look quite the same anymore. That's a totally different concept than society around us has these days (too bad!). The Amazing Joanne and I are very happy we waited, thank you very much. It was SO worth it!

My room mate and I were talking about this the other day. I am proud to be waiting. I want to wait. Who cares if I don't know what to do at first. That's what one's whole life of marriage is for. Besides I'm sure I'll pick it all up quickly enough. Sometimes I wonder well, what if the man I marry was previously married? Or slipped, and had sex outside of marriage but has had no further partners? Or... any number of things. Deal with that if I cross that bridge. And STILL be proud of waiting.
I am most certainly a sensual woman with my sex drive fully intact, that does't mean however that I need to go sleep with the first man I'm attracted to. I can be a sexual being, and be okay with being a sensual person (not think it's dirty or wrong or weird), without having sex. The bond and love that exists between man and woman in that regard is one of the most powerful things on earth. I don't want to take it for granted or use it in a potentially harmful way. I want to honor and cherish my body, and his. Whoever he is. My room mate said "you know. If I marry --- I want the man to go on bended knee when he proposes. But he better not do that if he is not willing to live his whole life on bended knee." And vice versa. Once married our lives are in a sense, not our own. Our priorities will change, and rightly so. I want to live my life on bended knee toward my husband. Might as well start now.

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